Little girls....

Sometimes I can really relate to Miss Hannigan's "Little girls, little girls, everywhere I turn I can see them!" However, yesterday all three girls took off to spend an extended weekend with their grandparents at the cabin (5 hours north!). I was really looking forward to the time alone. I have company coming at the end of next week, and now I have a weekend to myself to REALLY clean house. Instead, I keep finding events I want to take the girls to, or a cd I hadn't listened to in a long time that I think the girls will appreciate now.... even sleeping in my own bed all by myself was a little lonely last night. It overwhelms me, sometimes, just how much those little beings mean to me. Someone asked me the other night if I was interested in dating again. I find it hard to imagine I could ever meet someone for whom my feelings could ever come close to matching those of my little wonders.

I am constantly surprised by Life's little reminders. I spent most of this morning at work having a private little pity party. It being the monday after payday, I was looking at paying bills -- only to realize that this check didn't even cover ones I'd already written. And I still have other bills (including a credit card) due this pay period. I was very depressed and sat sulking in my office.

Just a few minutes ago, I was walking in the hallway, and came across a co-worker just back from bereavement leave. After two years of a slow and debilitating illness, her father suddenly (yet not so) passed away. After talking to her about how things went, I realized that my money issues were just that. Money. It wasn't health or life or family. It was that evil little necessity. And while I am still not happy with my situation, I am glad to go home to my parents tonight and be able to give them both big hugs.

It's monday morning -- a double whammy in my life. I hate mornings in general, and monday mornings all the more so. It takes so little to throw off my day on a monday morning. We started out 1/2 late as one of my darling daughters had decided to turn the alarm volume down! Luckily, I woke up anyway. I was starting out grumpy, but got in the car and was greeted by a cheery "I wear my helmet" by The Bobs on the radio. Hard to be grumpy, listening to The Bobs. Dropped the girls at my mother's for the day. How is it that at 40 some years of age, a comment or a look from my mother still makes me feel 10?

My mother lives in the suburbs. I live in the city. My mother commented to me that my sister mentioned that if she were to move (she lives in my neighborhood right now), she would move to my parents neighborhood. My sister, her husband, and her son are all African-American. In my parents neighborhood there is currently a Hmong family, a Tanzanian family, and a Hispanic family. I said I wouldn't want to move my kids there because I like that my kids go to a school that is predominately non-white and 60% native spanish speaking. 2 of my 3 girls are girls of color. My mother questioned why I like that. I told her I have had lots of friends with non-white kids who live in the suburbs that have had to deal with numerous racial/identity issues that we have yet to experience. She gave me a "look" and said well, if someone had to integrate the suburbs, my sister was the one to do it. Somehow that look told me that if I had said I'd rather be in the suburbs, my sister would have been right staying in the city! Sigh.

Life goes on...

This is my first post. I've been reading other people's blogs for a while, and finally decided to give it a shot myself!

Yesterday, I made a momentous decision. After nearly 6 years of working 80% (fridays off), I am starting back to work fulltime next month. My youngest will be starting all day kindergarten, and so my justification for staying home is leaving. I am not very happy about having to do this, but my pocket book it telling me I just don't have a choice. On top of it, I also got notification that my eldest made the gymnastics team she was trying out for all summer. That will set us back $95/month. WAY beyond anything I expected. Actually, that is what finally convinced me that I HAD to do this. It is the thing she excells the most at, and I couldn't see making her give it up just so I could have an extra day at home.